Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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