Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Randomize
