Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
