Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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