I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
PS: I just woke up from my shower
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Randomize
