woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
