cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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