Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
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