I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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