I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
