He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
In America we eat man semen.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Randomize
