I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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