She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Randomize
