dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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