I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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