i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
