she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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