Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
