please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
