dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
