Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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