I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
