he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
