i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
