guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
