My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
That reminds me...we need to get swords
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
