omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
