i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
