I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
