It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
