we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
