I'm really into asian looking animals
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
