why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
