Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Randomize
