some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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