xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
