I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
