i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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