I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
