whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize
