I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
