The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
