My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
