He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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