Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Randomize
