I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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