I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
