Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
