I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
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