I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
